Self-esteem

The Importance of Self-Esteem

The word self-esteem typically elicits the idea of how much worth and value an individual believes that they have. Our self-esteem is crucial in our daily lives because it guides the decisions we make and influences how we live our lives as a whole. If our self-esteem is high, we are more likely to strive for what we want, despite the setbacks and hurdles along the way. If our self-esteem is lower, we tend to have less motivation to strive for what we want in life due to feeling like we don't deserve happiness or that we can't possibly obtain what we want most.

Individuals with high and low self-esteem often share similar goals, so it can be hard to notice the difference between the two. The topic of self-worth is where the differences tend to show up in terms of the way the two think and feel about themselves. Individuals often have high self-esteem due to past life accomplishments. They feel capable of achieving their goals because of past successes in life and they feel good about who they are as people based on overcoming past hurdles.

Not everyone with high self-esteem gains it through these means however. Some individuals have high self-esteem but there is no tangible evidence of past successes to back up this self-esteem. This self-esteem can come more from a sense of entitlement and can be considered unhealthy due to the self-centered behaviors that usually accompany it. In adults, this can be attributed to Narcissism. Just as high self-esteem can look different for different people, so can low self-esteem.

Some individuals with low self-esteem have actually overcome hurdles and achieved some of the goals they strive for. They also don't have narcissistic tendencies and have treated others well. Many times the contributing factors for why they feel this way can include diagnosable mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, or abuse. These illnesses or circumstances can cause an individual to create unrealistic expectations for themselves and cast out these past achievements due to them not meeting the expectations they've placed on themselves.

The topic of self-esteem is complicated, but the treatment of such an issue isn't so complex.

Challenging Negative Thoughts

Low self-esteem can come from mental illness, abuse, or past failures. However, low self-esteem can also be contributed to other environmental factors as well. Negative messages we've learned when we were young from our parents, our peers, our teachers, or society in general can stick with us and grow as we do. These messages can grow so powerful overtime that we start to believe them, which can have terrible effects on our self-worth. These messages can include anything from "I'm a loser" to "I'm unlovable and will never find a partner" to "I'm not smart enough to graduate from college". 

Many times these thoughts can become so common place that we hardly notice them. Due to this, the best way to challenge these beliefs is to pay attention to them. A common practice used in counseling is to carry around a notepad or write a list in your phone of every negative thought you notice yourself thinking over the course of a week. The more practice you get with this, the more thoughts you'll start to notice. Individuals may also notice an increase in negative thoughts when they are tired, sick, or just having a bad day. This is all completely normal.

Once you have these thoughts written down, it can be important to see if you notice any thought patterns arising. Having a close friend or therapist help you with this can be very beneficial, especially when you are in a negative mood. However, when you are in a more positive mood, asking yourself questions like, "What is the evidence for this thought?" "What is the evidence against this thought?" "Would a friend say this to another friend? If not, why?" and "Would a friend of mine agree with this thought. If not, what would they say?"

Finally, after asking these questions, it can be very helpful to replace that negative thought with something more realistic, believable, and positive. For example, when having the thought, "I'm unlovable and will never find a partner" you could change it to "Actually, quite a few people love me including my family and friends so I can't be unlovable." It is important to replace this negative thought with your new positive one every time you have the negative thought.

Socialize and Get Out There

Healthy or unhealthy levels of self-esteem are due, in large part, to our everyday social interactions. If we spend many days around people that bring us down or treat us poorly, we begin to believe it. Also, spending too little time engaging in enjoyable hobbies, social groups, or organizations is another contributing factor for low self-esteem. As children, many of us feel important when we have good friends or are part of groups that make us feel that way. The same could be said for adults.

It is only natural to assume that if we spent time with people that bring us up and involve ourselves in hobbies and organizations that are enjoyable and fulfilling to us, it will naturally change how we feel about ourselves.

Exercise, Healthy Diets, and Sleep

Many studies have proven that an increase in exercise in our daily lives improves our self-esteem, especially in weightlifting or aerobic training where you can measure the accomplishments you've made along the way. Exercise also releases chemicals in the brain called endorphins (or the feel good chemical) that can reduce daily stress, decrease feelings of depression and anxiety, improve our ability to sleep, and boost self-esteem.

The food we put into our body can also play a role in how we feel on a day to day basis as well as how we feel about ourselves in general. For example, eating foods that are high in carbs can increase the serotonin production in our brains which cause us to feel more relaxed, happy, and confident in ourselves. Eating foods too rich in sugar, however, can have negative side effects such as feelings of lethargy, anxiety, and irritability.

Foods recommended for individuals to boost their mood and self-esteem can include foods that have unrefined carbohydrates (fruits, vegetables, or grains) foods that are rich in vitamin D (eggs, fish, or yogurt) and vitamin B (meat, dairy products, spinach, etc.), and foods that are rich in selenium (oats, nuts, beans, whole grains, etc.).

Increasing research has also shown that sleep is not only crucial to our physical well-being but our self-esteem as well. Less than six to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep on a consistent basis has been linked to physical ailments, low self-esteem, and, in more severe cases, brain damage. The low self-esteem aspect of it comes from the fact that, when we don't get good rest, we become overly sensitive to situations and comments that would not normally bother us. A friend that may forget to respond to our text causes us to worry that we are losing the friendship. A person that is having difficulty understanding your explanation of a task causes you to get irritable and potentially snap at them.

A lack of sleep can also cause increased levels of anxiety and depression which is linked to low self-esteem. However, hope is not lost if you are one of those people that struggles to obtain a healthy amount of sleep. There are several different things that can be done to improve your daily sleep and your self-esteem to boot. Using mindfulness exercises, such as mindful meditation with the Headspace app or incorporating some deep breathing in your day to day situations, can decrease the stress or anxiety you experience at night.

Decreasing your caffeine and sugar intake has also been proven effective in improving your mood and helping achieve more uninterrupted sleep. Lastly, making sure to avoid using your phone, TV, Netflix, social media accounts, etc. about an hour before bed helps make it easier for individuals to fall asleep faster. The artificial light stimulates neurotransmitters in the brain, which can keep you awake longer and your mind more active than usual.

Low self-esteem is something that many people struggle with but it can also be temporary if you have the tools to improve your situation.      

References 

https://www.mentalhelp.net/self-esteem/why-its-important/

https://www.mentalhelp.net/self-esteem/changing-negative-thoughts/

https://www.mentalhelp.net/self-esteem/encouraging-socialization-group-involvement/

https://www.nutritionist-resource.org.uk/articles/confidence.html

https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/04/how-sleep-impacts-your-self-esteem